Brett Cooper — Reacting to UNWELL Throuples | Episode 147

Guys, it is beyond time to stop trying to make thrupples happen. It is odd, objectively. It is weird and just across the board, we need to stop excusing people's bad decisions in the name of empowerment because that is really what's happening here. Now, I wish I had my whiteboard over in the new studio because keeping track of these delusional women and their exes and their partners and their partners' girlfriends and their partners' husbands, like it is confusing.

Nevertheless, I will persevere and today we are going to break down the specific types of women who find themselves in these relationships and how society at large still feels hesitant to normalize these relationships. Thank god, it means there is a tiny little bit of sanity left in the world. Polyamory might just be people's line in the sand. Now, before I put on my psychoanalyst hat, make sure that you like this video and subscribe to the channel if you have not already.

And if you want to stay up to date on every single video we upload, make sure to ring that notification bell. And if you want farm vlogs, conversations about motherhood and family life, cookie reviews, all of that sort of thing, that is all over at my subscription platform which you can find at cooperconfidential.com. We built it from the ground up just for you guys. Nobody can deplatform us. Nobody can tell me what to say on there.

So, that is the home for all things exclusive, Brett Cooper. All right, so first up in breaking this down, we have the insecure women who are so desperate for love and approval that a man is essentially able to groom her into being okay with polygamy and that is the story that is really going viral on social media right now and why I decided to do this episode in the first place. And it all revolves around somebody named Lindy West and her new memoir and a New York Times interview that is breaking the internet this week.

don't know, if you were not privy to the feminist girl boss BuzzFeed era of like 2012 to 2016, that is really where Lindy West came up. She is a pretty famous writer in this liberal ecosystem. Her claim to fame was her 2016 memoir which was later turned into a Hulu TV show called Shrill and the entire premise of that was her journey to find love and success without having to conform to orthodox society, aka losing weight.

She is a body positive feminist liberal writer and she wanted to prove to the world that she could find her happily ever after, become successful and famous and rich and all of those things without having to conform to skinny society. And at the end of that book and therefore at the end of the TV show, she seemingly got her happy ending. She proved everyone that you did not have to be skinny to thrive. She was a successful writer and a creative and an artist.

She married her best friend. What was not to love? So that all happened in 2016. Now 10 years later we're getting a little more into her story because Lindy left out one pretty damning detail about that happily ever after. This man, her husband, only married her because she agreed to an open marriage and she told no one. And so now in her new memoir 10 years later in this New York Times article that is promoting that memoir, she is apparently finally ready to talk about it.

And you might be thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is so interesting. Like thank god she got out of that situation. She must have realized what was going on. Did she realize how awful and OPPRESSIVE THAT WAS?" NO. OF COURSE NOT, GUYS. NO. She's telling us it's empowering. 10 years later she's revealing the truth and she's saying, "Actually, it's really wonderful." So the headline reads, "Lindy West thought she could handle polyamory.

She was wrong." The writer reluctantly agreed to a non-monogamous marriage, but the way she felt about her husband's new girlfriend completely surprised her. Oh boy, here we go. Now like I said, Lindy completely omitted this little detail of her arrangement when she made millions and millions of dollars selling their modern body positive love story back in 2016. But the reality of their marriage was much darker because at her lowest point, I think this was in 2011, 2012, after her father had died who she was really close with, after she and her now husband were going through a breakup, her now husband apparently came to her and said, "We should get back together."

But there was a caveat. Now in the New York Times interview she said this. So she responds to a question and she says, "Yes, so we briefly broke up in 2011. It was a bad time. My dad died. It was horrible. A tree fell on my house. Then we got back together. But part of that was Aja being like, I've been divorced twice by age 27, so already red flag, and I feel like possessiveness and jealousy had a lot to do with both of those relationships collapsing.

I don't think monogamy is healthy for me. Okay, so first of all, there's so many things we need to unpack in this. So first of all, her now husband is saying, "Hey, I've been divorced twice, and it's because I'm possessive and I'm jealous. Monogamy doesn't work." Instead of him taking responsibility, accountability, being like, "I was an I cheated. I was jealous. Whatever. I'm going to work on that." He was like, "Actually, you need to adjust, and I need to be able to sleep with whoever I want because I JUST CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF."

AND LINDY, she went along with it. She went along with it. But just imagine where she's at in life right now. Like she's lost one of the most important people in her life. She is alone, arguably at her lowest, and the person that she loves, that she wants to marry and be with, drops a bomb and says, "I don't want monogamy." And I'm sure in her mind she's freaking out because she doesn't want to lose somebody else in her life.

So, what brought them back together? How did they end up together now? Well, she agreed to go along with it. The interviewer asked, you know, was it presented as some sort of like, "We can get back together if we are not monogamous?" Was it like a conditional thing? And she responds and she says, "Yes, basically." And so from there, as she is retelling the story, she says that she breaks down. She was crying. She was desperate, and she agrees to something that she is uncomfortable with because she doesn't want to lose him, hoping the day that he meets somebody else never comes, that she will never have to deal with it, that this is just an idea, but it will never become her reality.

But it does. And this is how she described what happened when she found out. She responds to the interviewer and says, "I think it felt like I was losing him, which I think was probably her biggest fear. But I was just determined to win. I was like, 'You're being crazy. I'm the greatest person alive because I also have high self-esteem in addition to low self-esteem.' I let myself be angry in every possible direction, which was actually cathartic."

Yeah, no It felt good. No you'd feel angry, and then of course it would impact your self-esteem. Cartoons Hate Her, who is an account on X and one of my favorite substackers, she was posting about Lindy and said, "I know she eventually came around, but I feel I feel anything sexual or romantic that initially makes you cry and feel intense dread is probably not for you and you shouldn't do it. Yeah, like that. Common sense, folks.

That's the lesson we should take from this moment of the episode. If you feel immense dread and worry, you should walk away. Lindy, your husband was saying that you weren't good enough alone and he only agreed to marry you if he could also not just have sex with, but also fall in love and be in a relationship with somebody else. That is insane. Get a dog. Dogs are more loyal. Now, speaking of, when it comes to our dogs, why does it seem like there is always a compromise when it comes to their food.

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Or, you can just use code Brett50 at checkout. Again, that is 50% off your first order at sundaysfordogs.com/brett50. And while some people might say that higher education is outdated and irrelevant in 2026, I disagree. Not when it is purpose-driven education. And that is why I'm so proud that this show is sponsored by Grand Canyon University, which is an affordable private, nonprofit Christian university based in the beautiful Phoenix, Arizona.

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It is private, it's Christian, it's affordable, it's nonprofit. Visit gcu.edu to learn more. Again, that is gcu.edu to learn more today. Now, back to Lindy. I obviously have to ask, "Like, why the hell did you actually do this? Like, why did you agree to this? Was it simply to keep up a facade of this a fantasy imaginary life that you've created? Maybe because you told the world that you didn't have to change yourself to get the love that you wanted, but actually, it didn't work out that way and you were too embarrassed to admit it?

I mean, like, now she is openly sharing how much of a hit it was to her ego and her self-worth, which she was trying to protect and promote throughout all of her work with Shrill and her original memoir." Like, in this interview, she says, "I had always been kind of lonely and single and sad and yearning and growing up in a fat body, people will tell you that no one will ever love you unless you fix your body. And then, being a very visible woman on the internet, strangers are just telling you that every day.

And there's all this baggage around it, but really, at heart, I Ham and I just love each other so much." Okay, really? And I think that we both kind of knew that we couldn't imagine a life without the OTHER PERSON. THEN WHY WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE non-monogamous if that is the reality, Lindy? Sorry, I'm getting distracted. She goes on and she says, "But on some level, he wanted to give me that big proposal, big wedding that I thought I would never get to have because it healed something in me.

That's why he wanted to marry you, and you're okay with that? Like, I mean, this is telling the entire world that her whole brand and her story, again, her multi-million dollar brand, that it fell apart, and that sure, she didn't have to change herself or lose weight or conform, but that she did feel the need to settle for a pity proposal and an open marriage. Like, how is that any better? Now, the good thing is, you might be thinking that in this insane year of 2026, the world would be on her side and cheering this on, similarly, you know, applauding her compassion, her understanding, her progressivism, HER EMPATHY, ALL OF THAT STUFF.

BUT, NO. GUYS, there is some sanity left in the world because people online at large think that this is utterly depressing and that she is lying to herself. And I would have to agree. Somebody commented and said, "Lyndsey West's poly thing going viral right now is bizarre. She did a whole documentary defending her embrace of polyamory like 3 years ago, and it was just as depressing then as it is now." And guys, do not worry, I found the documentary, and this part gutted me.

Just watch. You know, Aharm said something that I have to correct. You know, monogamous, traditional monoga- monogamous relationships was what both of us were used to. I was not used to that. No man ever wanted to like be monogamous with me or felt jealousy about me or wanted to like cherish me and keep me as like a special jewel. I was like trash, you know? So, I didn't have that. You know, I had like shitty fake relationships with like people who didn't want to be seen with me.

I mean, like, that's the undercurrent. That's why this is happening. And on that that entire documentary video that they did, like, the body language is so glaring. Like, her husband is sitting there grasping onto his girlfriend who's holding his hand, and he's like maybe touching Lyndsey's thigh, and she's out there essentially on an island all by herself crying about how she has felt unwanted and unloved her entire life, hence why she had to settle for this open in I mean, she is literally saying she felt unwanted and unattractive, but of course, in the classic PROGRESSIVE WAY, SHE DECIDED apparently that it wasn't her problem, it was society's problem.

So, I think that's probably why she went on this crusade to find love without changing, which is fine. Do whatever you want, write the book, do the TV show, whatever, but she told everybody that she had succeeded. But the objective and sad reality is that she is just as unwanted as before. And how ironic is it that she went on this entire journey to find love without becoming skinny and losing weight only for her husband to find a girlfriend that is objectively, I'm sorry, prettier and skinnier than she is.

And instead of finding love, she found a man who is using her and essentially groomed her into thinking that this was a healthy, good idea of a marriage. That is what happened here. And now, 10 years later, instead of dealing with that, because obviously, per usual, it's not her problem, it's society's problem, she has decided to tell us how wonderful and empowering and progressive this is. And again, I am telling you, no one is buying it.

Like, this is the biggest lie we've all ever seen. Everybody is like, you're crazy, this is unhealthy, and we hate it. For example, one journalist from The Atlantic, I mean, she's already losing the journalists, that's never a good sign. This journalist even brought up another memoir from another polyamorous woman who had a similar story that he had done a review of a few years ago. So, he tweeted this, he said, "A while ago, I reviewed More, a memoir of a polyamorous woman.

It received glowing coverage despite it being painfully clear, if you are at all literate, that the author, a literal cult survivor, was manipulated into an open marriage by her husband. She spends the whole book crying." And then he posted an excerpt from the review that he did of this book, and I want you to hear this. So, he wrote at the time, "But though Molly may tell herself and her readers that she is on a journey of learning and growth, the ugly truth is that More feels like a 290-page cry for help.

Molly does not come off as a woman boldly finding herself, but rather as somebody who is vulnerable to psychological manipulation and does not enjoy her open marriage. And I am not holding a magnifying glass up to the text in search of hidden signs of discontent. I am not paternalistically projecting my Protestant values or wintry northeastern prudishness onto the author. I simply read the book. And if it seems like Molly Roden Winter does not want to be in an open marriage, it is because she often lets us know that she does not want to be in an open marriage.

Now, he goes on and he replies to himself on Twitter and he says, "At the time I was shocked that so many reviewers painted more as a fun, sexy story of empowerment when it is, and this is a neutral description, a fact, a memoir about a cult survivor whose husband pressures her into an open marriage which she says over and over that she wants to stop." And I think that that entire series of posts from this journalist is a great analogy for our culture.

Because every day we see this. We have objectively bad and unhealthy things, people who feel the impacts of those bad and unhealthy things, yet through projection and sheer willpower and just gritted teeth, they tell society that actually it's all really empowering AND THEY'RE REALLY HAPPY. THAT'S essentially what that author was doing. That is essentially what Lindy West is doing. And it's all in an effort to avoid dealing with their reality.

Whether it's over a broken relationship or their bodies, their weight, their insecurities over their gender identity, personal failures, race, whatever it is. They're desperate to convince us that the world is the problem, not them. Now, one post on X really pointed to that idea and he put it so well. And he said, "Mostly what I'm struck by in regards to Lindy is that in the name of sort of outliving them all, these people have recreated some of the most regressive structures that they once railed against, just kind of rebranded them.

I fail to see how what happened to her is any different than women were supposed to just turn a blind eye to their husband's cheating days. He, her husband, treats being polyamorous as if it's a completely immutable part of himself that she must accept. framework is weaponized to meet the desires of whoever is at them." Exactly. And they'll never acknowledge that this is unhealthy. They will never acknowledge that it is regressive.

Again, through gritted teeth, they'll tell us how amazing it is. And it's just so ironic because we had this entire era of feminism driven by women railing against the terrible men who wouldn't commit to them, who walked all over them. We're done. We're taking back the power from the patriarchy. Like, okay. And you did that how? Like, how did that work out for you? By letting your husband cheat on you every day? And him convincing you to allow that through threats of racism?

And yes, she really wrote about that. That is not me just putting words in her mouth. That is not an exaggeration. Lindy West literally said that. Listen to this excerpt from her new book. She said, "Ahem, said that he wasn't seeing anyone else and this wasn't about me. It was just a fundamental part of his ethos. He believed that monogamy was at its root a system of ownership. I had to admit that perhaps I didn't feel it as keenly as a white person."

Like guys, I just like cannot even. So her husband, who I think maybe is Nigerian, he really convinced this overweight desperate sad libbed out woman that he could not be monogamous in their marriage because as a man of color that was simply a system of oppression and she just didn't understand because of her skin color. Like guys, is this why we have a fatherlessness crisis in the black community? I mean, have we solved the problem?

Slavery and oppression, thank you Ahem for illuminating this great I mean, it is just it's just ridiculous. Somebody commented and said, "I am staggered that this conceited prat with a pineapple man bun is being fought over by not one, but two women, too. Imagine having self-esteem that low. My god, get a cat, get a dog, get a goldfish. It would have to be more rewarding company." And yes, that right there is Ahem. Like Lindy, I am not saying any of this out of malice.

Let us help you because I promise that is not what a good marriage looks like. That is not what happiness looks like. And you trying to convince the world of that is just so absurd. Somebody else commented and said, "Poly amorous was called being a douche back in my day, but so many women fell for the rebranding for the sake of fighting heteronormative culture. This is the sad result." Exactly. All politics aside and weird sexual perversions, all of that stuff.

The end of the day, polyamory, in my opinion, is really about attention. Whether it is from their partner, their queer progressive political communities, or an audience online. And that last part reminds me of an influencer that I follow named Aspen Ovard. And unlike Lindy, she is not the poster child for liberal insanity, which makes this story even more interesting and I think drives the point even more home. Now, if any of you girls out there grew up watching YouTube, the beauty vloggers, family vloggers, all of that sort of thing, you might remember Aspen as your very traditional Utah girl who made makeup videos.

She married her high school sweetheart, I think at 19. She was vlogging their family, started having babies almost immediately. But then, in 2024, she filed for divorce on the day that their third daughter was born. She quickly packed up her and her girls, moved them out of Utah where they were living their entire lives, and moved them all to the great state of California. And I think that she lives somewhere around Newport Beach in Orange County.

Now, despite saying that she was never going to discuss her divorce online, never revealed details about what happened because she wanted to protect her children, and she didn't want them to grow up seeing everything unfold online, she quickly began alluding to what happened, which obviously sparked online rumors and even more interest in her. So, she went even further. She would drop crumbs here and there. She would make videos with her ex-husband, essentially making fun of him.

She would joke about getting back together. She would talk about betrayal, all sorts of things. And all of these videos got millions upon millions of views. But then, per usual, when people are asking questions but not getting answers, they move on to the next thing. And so, the attention on her died down. And so, a year after all of that drama and interest in her did kind of dissipate, she announced that actually now she was bisexual and she was dating multiple people.

Revolutionary. A woman has never done that before to get attention. But then, once again, a few months later, the interest died down yet again. So, now we're here, end of 2025, beginning of 2026, and she announces that one of the women that she was dating in her bisexual journey is actually married and that she is dating the husband as well. Just watch this. >> [music] >> So, that is her new girlfriend, Bree. Bree is now all over Aspyn's TikTok.

They go on trips together, and so is Bree's husband. He's on the trips. They go on dates as a thruple. They're all cuddling. They're all talking. And her children are watching all of it. But remember, back in 2024, she wasn't going to put them through any drama. She wouldn't want them to see crazy stuff unfold, even though now she's dating a married couple. Somebody commented and said, "This will end well, for sure."

Yeah, you think? Now, my point in bringing all this up with Aspyn is that none of this feels genuine or healthy. And most of her audience agrees. Again, thank god there is sanity in our culture. It just seems like this is a huge cry for help. And while she is arguing out of one side of her mouth that this is really freeing and empowering, it really just looks like this is imploding her personal life even more. For example, before all of this thruple stuff came out, she was constantly making Tik Toks with her best friend and a fellow influencer by the name of Allison Kuch.

And she was joking about being in a thruple with Allison and her husband. Just watch this. This is one of many videos that she posted just like this. Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday. [music] And right now, you can save £50 per person. So, she was posting enough with Allison and her husband that somebody commented and said, "Thruple?" And she replies to that comment with a video saying, "On our first date and they're taking me to Cabo."

And then on that trip, she proceeds to make video after video talking about how Allison's husband is paying for her and he's zaddy and they're paying for this trip and they're all there together as a thruple. And so, obviously people started to notice. And then out of nowhere, pretty soon after that Cabo trip, Allison and Aspen stopped being friends. Stopped posting their videos and even stopped following each other.

Somebody on Reddit said, "I saw a theory that Allison is distancing herself after Aspen got involved into an open marriage type situation. People think that Aspen tried to get with her and Isaac." Allison recently commented on a video regarding Aspen's new thruple and said that she would never be in an open marriage. And then, to take this even a step further beyond a little comment section nugget there, there was a bit of a Freudian slip on Allison's podcast where she talked about losing friends.

Just watch. Huge shifts that are happening in like my personal life, especially with like friendships and just like changes and like the dynamic of like what's happening in me and Isaac's life and like what we're going to do about that. I feel like I'm being very like monogamous right now. Monogamous. >> [laughter] >> I feel like I'm like dancing around uh What is it? What is that saying? I feel like I'm not saying much, but I'm saying a lot at the same time.

>> think that she was probably trying to say that she was being ambiguous, that she was beating around the bush, but I'm sure that she was obviously thinking about Aspen and the falling out of this very public relationship. She was thinking about the open relationship monogamy and just monogamous came out because she was thinking about that friendship. Back to Aspen and I promise there's through line here, so stick with me.

But as Aspen is getting all of these millions of views and queries in her personal life, she has all of this newfound interest and eyes on her, she's losing friends. Which now Aspen is even talking about openly on her page. She's saying I don't have a community. I have nobody to invite to my daughter's birthday party. I feel so lonely, but I can't go back to Utah, but I have no one and I've lost all of these friends.

That's my first thought when I watched that video was like, girl, you are dating double the normal amount of people and you still feel lonely and yet you're telling us how amazing this arrangement is. Like you're losing friends. You're saying you feel like you're on the outs of your old community. Maybe it has to do with your relationship. Maybe after all this isn't a healthy situation. Maybe people don't want to be friends with you because they can't trust you around their husbands.

That might be the thing. And I also think it's important to bring up once again that you said you were going to protect your kids, not bring them into drama online and yet you've now crashed out multiple times on social media and you're dragging them through in real life in person a confusing polyamorous relationship. Now her audience, to their credit and more power to them, have not held back. Somebody on Reddit said, "At first I supported Aspen, but now this has gotten out of hand and it's pretty nasty.

Her priorities have completely changed and it seems as though what she's doing now will affect her kids way more than that divorce. She definitely needs to focus on her three baby girls more than whatever she's doing in her personal life." And then somebody else said, "I'm sure the gay is just for attention. I feel so bad for her girls who'll be able to watch all of this unfold when they are older." So people online, her very progressive female audience is even saying, "This isn't healthy.

This is because you're not doing well, because you are seeking this isn't right and you're not being a good mother by putting your daughters through this." And similarly with Lindy, most people who interact with her content are brushing all of this off as insecurity reframed as cool empowering progressivism. Something that actually should require therapy. For example, this comment killed me. One person said, "The whole Lindy West thing has really got me thinking about how ethical non-monogamy and polyamory and all the other BS they come up with is nothing more than a way for leftist men to maintain a power dynamic over women without admitting that they want to benefit from the patriarchy lol.

Like, am I a feminist now? Do we need to go like save these submissive women from their oppressive patriarchal system? HOP IN, LADIES, WE GOT TO GO save the libs from this insanity. All jokes aside, and obviously I do love mocking this and making fun of it, but the through line really here in all of these stories is insecurity and instability. And another long-time YouTuber comes to mind as I'm talking about this, but this one is even less funny.

Her name is Cam. She was a teen mom. She had a YouTube channel called Cam and Fam. Again, that was something I watched when I was like 17 years old, 16 years old, where she and her boyfriend, who did end up marrying her, would document their lives as teen parents. And you can see some of the videos here. They were getting millions and millions of views. They were very beloved. They had a nice family, good support system.

That was the whole channel. But later, a couple of years into their marriage, after they had had their second baby, I believe, Cam's husband committed suicide. And she was the one who walked out to the garage to find him. And so from there, understandably, obviously, her audience has watched her unravel online as she has had to deal with that trauma. I mean, first she was in a trauma treatment center. Then, out of nowhere, per usual, unfortunately, it's par for the course, she started dating women.

Then, she came out as trans, and she started documenting that journey, starting with her like gender-affirming haircut. I mean, she's moved constantly, dragging these small children with her everywhere. And now, recently, the latest iteration of this is that Cam, now a man, has announced that they are in a thruple. And so what started as a relatively wholesome family channel has now turned into a downward spiral where she is documenting this relationship.

Somebody commented and said, "You seem like you have no idea who you are anymore, despite the fact that you are trying so hard to convince everyone that this new phase is the real you. I hope you find your place in the world soon for the sake of you and your kids." So again, another through line here is that, much like with Lindy and Aspen, Cam's audience is not buying this lie. They are not buying the facade, the coping, the projection, telling everybody that this is the real her, that it's amazing, that it's powering, that it's happy and healthy for her children.

Nobody's buying this. Now, all three of these stories are different, but they are similar in that none of them are happy. None of them are demonstrating stable, well-adjusted people and families. And yet they always seem just desperate to convince the rest of us that actually they know more than we do and that these relationships are really awesome and really empowering and really freaking cool. It's not. It's not healthy.

It's not empowering. You are coping. Whether you're coping with trauma or love or self-esteem or the idea that your husband needs this because of white people, it is a cope. All of you, I'm sorry, you have been brainwashed and luckily for our culture, again, thank god, most people online seem to understand it and they are not buying it. And that is a good thing. Is my baby [music] growing? What am I doing? Marsh. I feel like an influencer already.

Ooh, can you see it? Can I click the thing to make it It's not going to work. And I feel self-conscious cuz I know you guys are watching me, right? [music] That's going to be You can't even see it on what I'm doing. Ooh, this is like already It's like a sea urchin. Can I put this on him? I'm sure you're just going to hear his burps. This is chaotic cooking with Brett. This is a new series. If you guys thought you were going to get like artful, beautiful, lovely kitchen tutorials, no.

La-di-da, la-di-dee.