Brett Cooper — Gen Z Is Lonelier Than Ever & The Fix Is Simple | Episode 145

Guys, I genuinely believe that you and I have the unique opportunity, the privilege to solve one of the biggest crises facing young Americans, and it has nothing to do with policy, nothing to do with elections, nothing to do with legislation, honestly nothing to do with the culture war. All you have to do is throw a party. Now, before we talk about why you need to be throwing a party this weekend and me telling you about it, make sure that you like this video and subscribe to our channel if you've not already.

And of course, if you want to stay up to date on everything we're doing on the channel, make sure to ring that notification bell. Also, if you want behind-the-scenes content, farm vlogs, all of that sort of thing, we literally built an entire subscription platform just for you guys. It is called cooperconfidential.com. Go check it out. Nobody can kick us off, nobody can tell me what I can or cannot say or post on that platform, which is very important in the age of censorship, and we know that censorship is still alive and well considering that Taylor Olivier just got kicked off of Patreon.

So, needless to say, that is where you can find me if everything goes to hell. cooperconfidential.com. All right, all of this really started with a Reddit post that went semi-viral over the summer. We even talked about this in a live stream like eight months ago, right after it was posted, but Z user on the subreddit r/GenX posted this question. Embarrassed knee 1919 said, "Were parties like this ever a thing?" And then he posted this screen grab from a movie, I'm not exactly sure which one.

Feels like it's probably some John Hughes thing, I have no idea. I'm going to have people who are older than me jumping down my throat for this, I know, but anyway, he posts this screenshot and says, "I love '90s and 2000s movies so much, and all of these teen movies have one of these big party scenes, and they look so fun. I'm Gen Z, and I've never been to anything like this. So, was this a thing that just doesn't happen anymore, or is it just Hollywood trying to make me hate my life more?"

Like, damn, I know that when that post hit that subreddit, he made all of those Redditors feel old, but this is such a valid question coming from my generation. One person said, "Yep, and we'd actually talk to each other, unlike now where kids just send each other those stupid TikToks and listen to WhatsApp Ricky or whatever the F he's called." But, the Gen Z'er who asked that question was far from the only person in that subreddit who had the same query.

Somebody else said, "These were the teen adult years that I was promised as a child watching movies and TVs. We used to be a proper country that knew how to party together." Somebody else said, "Damn, these comments be weird. I mean, really, who would sacrifice their house like this?" Like, it is such a foreign concept that somebody in my generation cannot even fathom inviting people over, throwing a rager, all that jazz.

Now, I will say, as a disclaimer, I never threw a big house party, I never threw a rager. I was far too much of a goody-two-shoes, way too close with my mother, and I also had a just a ginormous stick up my ass because I actually got my older brother in trouble for throwing a house party like this. I was like Nancy Drew on the case. I was like, "Why is there a whistle in my room? Why Why is my strawberry plant that I spent all spring working on?

Why is it mysteriously gone? And I see fragments of the pot strewn about the patio." It was because somebody got drunk and threw it off the patio. That's why. Anyway, sorry, Reed. Love you. I hate that I got you in trouble. But anyway, my generation was not throwing these types of parties. Now, we have talked about this loneliness epidemic, obviously, a lot on the show, a lot on comment section. It is something that I care a lot about, but I do want to put some numbers to it today because I think it's important, and it is genuinely shocking.

So, between 2003 and 2024, so the last 20 years, time spent attending or hosting social events dropped 50% among Americans 15 and older. Now, for the youngest Americans, ages 15 to 24, these are like prime socialization years, prime house parties, frat parties, college parties, game nights with your friends, whatever it is, the decline was 69%. That is like almost a 70% drop, 70% fewer social gatherings. And face-to-face socialization of any kind, not even an organized party, has dropped 35% for that same age group.

Again, we have discussed this at length before, so I want to reiterate that there are some forces at play before I go into blaming all of us for this issue, but I will, obviously, talk about the context here. Obviously, the first is COVID-19. Like, during our most crucial developmental social time, we were forced isolate for almost 2 years. Like, my entire college experience was cut short. I was in my sorority for all of like 6 months before all of our events turned online.

And obviously that had an impact on high schoolers and prom and parties and starting their college experience, all of that. So obviously we all turned to the internet, which was already a problem for our generation. We had been raised online. I mean every study that is done on the internet, that is done on social media says that it is a bad thing especially for developing minds and yet that is where we landed. And hand in hand with COVID that helped drive a digital replacement for socializing.

But something else that we do not often touch on is how our culture has become obsessed with isolation, glamorizing isolation. You know, we focusing on self-care and ourselves versus building community. We meme daily about canceling plans and not wanting to hang out with people, staying in, doom scrolling, sending your friends 1,600 Instagram reels before 9:00 p.m. at night, watching Netflix, whatever it is. In a great Reason magazine article, author Emma Camp touched on all of this.

She wrote, "For years popular culture has been permeated with a deeply anti-party sentiment. An attitude that framed those eager to socialize as obnoxious and valorized staying home alone. During my 2010s teen hood, BuzzFeed listicles and viral Tumblr posts reminded readers that introverts are tortured by small talk and portrayed extroverts as essentially mindless troglodytes. Online reams of memes revel in canceling plans and spending a Saturday night in one's pajamas and glued to Netflix.

COVID-19 only made things worse. Lockdowns got millions of people out of the habit of regular in-person social interaction and the ultra introvert suddenly had a moral justification for their unwillingness to socialize. And guys, I want you to know I'll be the first to say that I'm guilty of all of that. Like you know, I make all these jokes about laying down. I love being horizontal. I love being in my pajama I love being in my cozier pajamas on my Helix mattress.

You know I talk about it. I love being a homebody and just hanging out with my animals and my husband. And I will admit that sometimes when I get a last-minute cancellation text, I giggle with glee. Like it is the best news I have gotten all day long. But guys, even though I do that, like this is not how we build a healthy, thriving, fruitful society. Because for a lot of people, this now is not just a funny meme or a side thing they do on Friday nights.

This drives how they view socialization. It is an inconvenience. It is awkward, maybe challenging for people. It actually forces you to get off your ass and do things rather than just opening Instagram DMs. Like again, I will admit, often the most interaction I have with my friends is us just sending videos back and forth. Like that's all we do. Like Amir and I spend more time DMing each other than we do seeing each other in person.

That's a problem, Amir. I'll see you tomorrow at my house. Anyway, the point is, after years of these attitudes and this digital-centric relationship building, we now have a generation, our generation primarily, that barely knows how to speak to each other. Another words on Reddit, which obviously is another digital alternative, so it's ironic that I'm using this comment. But this person made a great point and he said this.

There is a general sense of inhospitality. Striking up a conversation with people you don't know has become something of a generational divide. Taboo even for younger folk. If even small talk and passing conversations are dying out, what are the odds of building something deeper with someone? If people go out with friends, they stick to their friends. They don't mingle at bars and clubs. If you're hooking up with somebody, it is rarely spontaneous.

It is someone they met online. It's been planned out to meet somewhere in advance. And this is the most important part. When the social priority is on not causing other people discomfort over actually building connections with people, is there any surprise connections aren't being made? Now that last point is so astute. We could make this whole thing about dating and male-female relationships, you know, the fears of men and me too.

But our entire society, our entire culture outside of this dating world, has placed such an emphasis, obviously we see this in politics every single day, but it's placed such an emphasis on not triggering anyone, on holding space, and creating safe spaces, and protecting our peace, whatever lines people are coming up with and posting about. Like no wonder a little normal awkwardness, discomfort, brushing shoulders at a bar or a party is sending people straight to therapy and that is not an exaggeration.

Now in reply to that comment somebody else said on Reddit, I actually think this is a huge point. Plus more than discomfort, I think the internet provides connection or at least a sense of it. I'm talking to you right now. But it's also way easier, way less pressure, no stakes, more interesting, no social anxiety which increases actual social anxiety. The content is curtailed to me and it doesn't necessarily need structure to make sense.

Plus small talk is non-existent which to this commenter they say has always been a huge waste of energy. Now I would disagree with that. I think that small talk is how you build, have good rapport, you make a joke. Sometimes the small talk then grows into something else. You kind of have to start with the awkward small talk. Unfortunately, that is just a normal human experience Gen Z, get over it. Anyway, this is the same conversation guys that we have had about AI relationships for example like time and time again.

We are stripping the humanity out of our social lives. This beautiful awkwardness, the learning curves, the necessary skill of dating and flirting and small talk. All of that, thanks to the internet, is gone. You can live a life and have friends and talk to people without doing any of that. And so again, I say like how can you blame people? Like when you live in a world that is as digital as ours, it makes sense that people retreat inwards, that they go online, that they choose the easier path.

That is just what human beings do. So much of this, to Gen Z's credit, I'm giving a lot of grace here. Obviously, it is out of their control. But, this is the point of this episode, we are not completely off the hook. Because it would be one thing if people were fine with the situation. It would be one thing if we didn't care, if chatting online was a one-for-one replacement and none of us actually felt lonely or isolated, but that is not the truth.

I know it and you know it. Young people, both men and women, are lonelier than ever. But the thing is, we have the tools to fix it. It's not radical, it's literally just going back to what we've always done before the last decade or so. But in more ways than one, we are coping. We are giving excuses and we are shooting ourselves in the damn feet. Now, my friend Britney actually pointed this out not She wrote a tweet just like 24 hours ago and said, "I believe a lot of the loneliness epidemic is because we live in the generation of flakes.

Before, you had to stay true to your word because if you were supposed to meet a friend at 1:00 p.m. for coffee and they were nowhere to be found, it was embarrassing. Now, people can cancel 5 minutes before via smartphones for self-care or any kind of random reason. Or if they don't respond for 3 days and they're like, 'I'm so sorry, I'm just now seeing this.' Be for real, you are on your PHONE NON-STOP. AH, I'M BEING ATTACKED.

OKAY, MOVING ON. I THINK A LOT OF THE LONELINESS epidemic is self-inflicted. You should be going out and doing things. I always tell my husband if he's invited somewhere, go because every single time without fail you meet somebody cool. It is always worth it to go out. Everything she said is so correct. And again, I am far from innocent. This episode is as much about me as it is about the rest of my generation. Like I retreat inward.

I do not read text messages. I drag my feet on confirming plans cuz I'm like, I don't know. Do I really want to leave my bed? Do I want to get off my couch and take my baby? Whatever. I do it all. And you know what? It makes me feel like It really does because I know that it is not the respectful thing to do. I know that I should and can be better and I know that if I want to have a full life with community and great friends and a big wonderful circle of wonderful smart great people, I know that you have to lean in and respond and partake and initiate.

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Now, the headline for this article reads, "Loneliness is for cowards." Now we're really getting into it, guys. No one is stopping you from throwing that party. All right. Now, this is her thesis. Emma writes, "I'm in my 20s and I'm here to tell you loneliness isn't an epidemic, it is a choice. My generation has decided that avoiding embarrassment or rejection is more important than developing a thriving social circle.

The main social obstacle facing Gen Z'ers isn't social media or overstimulation, it is their own trepidation." In this article, she goes on to share that through her own sheer will to build community and create this great group of friends, she has had to herself fight through discomfort and vulnerability and the stigma over being too eager and too excited. She writes, "It was not destined to be this way. I didn't have a big and active social circle until well into college.

I had to learn how to party well through trial and error. And more important than my ability to shake a cocktail or set a dinner table was my development of a thick social skin. I've stopped caring about whether I come off as too eager or too much when seeking new friendships. Nor do I trouble myself much with the invites I send out that go ignored. Teenage Emma would hardly recognize this adult version of herself."

She then goes on and says that making friends entails social risk. "I probably annoyed some prospective guests by peppering them with invitations. Others might have found my eagerness to swap numbers off-putting. Oh, well. I can't find another 100 people to invite to my house without a little embarrassment. The way out of this supposed epidemic is for young people to show a modicum of social bravery. A life spent trying to be cool and unrejectable is inevitably going to be a small and lonely one.

We cannot let fear of rejection overwhelm us. A life full of friendship and great parties is waiting for you. Don't be afraid. All you have to do is ask." Now, obviously, obviously, before everybody starts commenting, I have some compassion here. I get it. All of this is easier said than done. But also, yeah, at some point, this is a choice the Gen Z is making. It is a decision that we are consciously making. And the only way that we will get over this or get through it is by starting and doing.

You build community by building and by hosting and inviting. And you become a good host by hosting. Every great thing in life is built by simply doing. And so at some point, you got to get over the hump and just start. And unfortunately, like so many things in our culture, all of that seems to have fallen to the wayside because doing and starting, all of those things, it requires vulnerability and it comes with a side, obviously, of rejection and flaky friends.

And yes, heartbreak when things do not turn out well because in my opinion and in my experience, losing friends is an even greater heartbreak than losing a romantic relationship if you have worked so hard and dedicated time and created a wonderful connection. So no wonder, in large part, we have turned our backs on all of this. Now, in regards to that, this commenter, again, on Reddit, really hit the nail on the head.

This is all in the same thread. This guy said, "Nothing has changed other than society. People are not social anymore. I personally am, but people look at me like an alien for just trying to have a conversation. We are human beings. We are supposed to connect socially." This is also a reminder that social anxiety is a mental issue, not a personality trait. Say that louder for the folks in the back. It is not something you're supposed to just say, "Oh, I have social anxiety, so I'll just never talk to anyone."

No, you are meant to work through it like a phobia. It is a challenge. It is not something you are supposed to just accept. I went from being the most socially anxious person I've ever seen to the point where I was scared to leave my bedroom to being quite literally the only one to ever initiate a conversation in public, no matter where I am. Over-reliance on technology to form social and relationship bonds instead of face-to-face has and is still actively ruining our society.

I love this generation for a lot of reasons, but we are easily the weakest socially and that is putting it mildly. Again, I feel like I've done so many episodes at this point talking about dating and how, in my opinion, so much of it goes back to the fact that we don't know how to date. Obviously, there are political layers and men versus women, all of those things, but I think, in large part, women do not know how to flirt or receive flirting or receive the signs from men.

Men don't know how to flirt. Like, we're all just floundering around like a bunch of I don't know what kind of animal, but we're stumbling around blind and it is even true when we're talking about making friends. Now, even though all of that is true, from everything that I see on social media, that I experience in my own life, people are still yearning for in-person real connections. Like we are not satisfied with the online hubs we've created, and we romanticize Every single day I see it.

We romanticize a time without social media. In fact, one recent article that was written about '90s nostalgia, which I think in large part was inspired by that new FX series Love Story about JFK Jr. and his wife Carolyn. Anyway, it's just a whole thing that's going up right now. But this article reads, "Part of the allure of the 1990s is longing for the days when we were a monoculture." before the fractured intake of smartphones, a time defined by, retrospectively, a comforting reality in which we experienced many of the same things at the same time."

But I think there's more to it. What New York, or the fantasy of it, offered in the late '90s, again talking about this series, was an outsized version of what so many of us are craving now. The promise of real-life connection mixed with the potential of wealth, beauty, and love. And here's the thing, my friends, we can still have that. Despite New York City being a obviously, but the bones of that kind of culture and those relationships, they are still there.

And at some point, it honestly is just up to us to do something about it. So, obviously, then we are left with what is the solution? Now, going back to both of Emma's articles, in her opinion, and also in my opinion, the solution is quite simple. All hope is not lost. If my case is any proof, partying is a teachable skill. Again, you learn by doing. You might not be a party person, and the idea of having a house full of revelers might sound daunting, expensive, or mathematically improbable.

When I recently told an acquaintance that I had invited 100 people to a party, he replied, "I don't even know 100 people." Which is fair, but I promise it can be accomplished. The best way to reverse the steady social decline gripping American life is to throw a good party next weekend, if possible. And honestly, guys, I think that you should do exactly that. I think that we all should. So, I am hereby challenging everybody who is watching this video to invite people over.

It does not have to be shush It does not have to be 100 people, like our overachiever friend Emma, but invite people to do something. And after you do that, you're going to send an email to podcast@breakovershow.com, and you're going to tell me what you are doing. and then I'm going to live vicariously through you and we are going to celebrate you all for doing that. And oh my gosh, like I know the excuses will roll in because in light of Emma's op-ed, I have already seen them everywhere on social media.

Like one person said, "And which room should my two-bedroom flat's party be in? One of the bedrooms, the bathroom, or the kitchen that only fits two people at a time?" Like people, my response to this is like, "Did you really take out at least five figures in student loans and learn nothing from college?" Like you can have five people a time with those pizza, Quip Lash on the TV, some White Claws in a dorm room and have the most epic party of the year.

Like have we lost a love of game nights, an appreciation for movie nights? Actually, I will answer my own question. Obviously, we have. And I think in large part that again goes back to social media because like so many of you, I'm sure, I am also inundated on my TikTok and Instagram with posts about perfectly styled dinner parties and elaborate birthday parties and highly curated events. Maybe that's just my algorithm.

Maybe you're like, "Brett, I have never seen one of those videos in my life." But that is what I see on a daily basis. Regardless, and this just goes back to one of the common pitfalls of social media, but it is incredibly easy to see what people present on social media and believe that that is normal or expected and that you won't be able to live up to that. And that, of course, then causes more insecurity about the size of your space or how much money you have to spend on an event, whether people will be impressed, and I Oh my gosh, I cannot even tell you guys how many times Alex has had to talk me off a ledge when I am inviting people over or planning a party because I'm worried that our guests will hate my cooking or that my cake looks like crap or that our house isn't clean enough or it isn't big enough and the bathroom doesn't look cool enough cuz we never put the wallpaper up that I wanted to put up or I don't have enough activities planned and nobody's going to talk about anything.

And guess what? Even though I will cry over that, like I'm embarrassed to admit that I literally might have like an emotional breakdown before people come over, it always turns out fine. It's okay and the world keeps spinning and over time you get better and better not just at hosting and bringing people together, but also being sure of yourself in playing that role within your community. And what I'm really trying to say is that throwing a party or having people over, building community, it does not have to be Instagrammable and aesthetic and perfectly curated.

And honestly, it really shouldn't be. You shouldn't be inviting people over just to have fodder for your Instagram story. But but still, regardless of that, people continue to push back. Under another TikTok on the same topic, somebody said, "Hosting is a lost art." And then somebody else replied and said, "Literally, especially in this economy." And again, I know. And obviously, the economy is a huge issue. Donald Trump, please help us.

But I swear like up there with the lack of social skills is Gen Z's lack of problem-solving and resolve because this is an easy problem to address. Again, Domino's Pizza, $15, $3 Trader Joe's wine, four friends, baby, you have yourself a party. There is no excuse. But okay, let's say maybe that you do want to do more. Say you want to host a dinner party. Seems daunting, it's not in the budget. What if you could do it for under $100?

Which brings me to one of my very favorite series on the internet. Just watch. >> Tonight, I'm on a mission to host a summer dinner party under $100 feeding a family-style meal to six people and including dessert, wine, and florals. You guys loved my last one so much that I had to go for round two. First up is Trader Joe's, where I carefully budgeted out tonight's menu, which is going to be Greek-inspired. What I really love about this menu is that most of it can actually be prepped the night before, which I never really do, but it made hosting the day of so much less stressful.

I did leave some room in the budget for florals. These filler flowers arranged in a bunch of bud vases are my best friend when I don't want to spend much, but still want a full beautiful table. >> So there you go. You get the point. She budgeted it out. She went to Trader Joe's. She planned the whole thing. And obviously, because it's the internet, there are always people in this girl's comment section being like, "What if I don't have the plates?

I don't I can't do this. Whatever." Thrift stores. Go to Goodwill. Buy adorable little like vintage China plates. Thrift some wine glasses. Whatever it may be. "Oh, I don't have the right things to cook with." And cook something simple. Like genuinely, some of the most fun nights I have ever had have just been like again, pizza sitting on the floor, wings, super easy to make, super easy to order. It does not have to be so complicated.

And if you don't have a Trader Joe's near you, girl, I can relate. I don't have one near me, either. But, get your butt to Walmart or Kroger or Aldi. It does not have to be expensive. You might just come in under budget. But, the point is, I see all of these excuses and I'm just like, Gen Z is coping. There are obviously barriers. We obviously were not taught to socialize in the way that other generations were. We lost out on a lot of that, in large part, thanks to our government and ridiculous people in our culture.

But, these are barriers that, in my opinion, are easily broken down. So, again, your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to throw a party. I literally threw one last week that we planned in like 3 days. It was my mom's birthday party. It was a random assortment of friends and co-workers and neighbors we hadn't met. I spent $15 on lanterns from Amazon and we hired an at-home hibachi man. And, oh my god, it was one of the most fun nights I have had in a long time.

And guys, I will do it again just to partake in this challenge with you guys. And, I do want to say that if you are somebody who is always in attendance, if you do show up, if you don't flake, but you are never an organizer or host, maybe try to take on a different role for once because from the conversations I have had with friends, let me tell you, the hosts do get tired of being the backbone of your community. So, just keep that in mind the next time you accept one of their invitations.

But guys, like throwing a party and and hosting, like Britney was saying, it is not the full solution because to really turn things around, you do have to be a team player in your social life. You have to be a villager in order to be in the village and benefit from the village. And so, if you're somebody who doesn't like to host or doesn't know how and isn't ready to take that hurdle, if you are in a season where you really can't offer much, which I totally understand, like the bare minimum, the great thing that you can do is literally just show up and partake.

And like and not flake. Really just not flake because building community, it is not for the weak in 2026, especially for young people. So, we should respect and celebrate the people that are trying and we should do everything in our power to lean into this because I really think it could help save our culture. >> Hi, gal. How you doing? So this is Nora.