Brett Cooper — The Lie Women Are Being Sold About Divorce | Episode 138

All right, guys. So, 2 days ago, the women's clothing line, Reformation, it is well-loved by girls everywhere. They went viral for debuting a divorce collection right after Valentine's Day, and the internet lit up. Women online were applauding them for how sexy and cool this was, while others were very obviously lamenting over the commercialization and normalization of divorce. And so, to that I say, what is happening with Reformation is the culmination of a years-long divorce rebrand, and women and society, we are worse off for it.

Now, before diving into this episode, make sure that you like this video, subscribe to the channel if you've not already. And if you want to stay updated on every single upload that we put on YouTube, make sure to ring that notification bell. Also, guys, wanted to let you know that my big episode of The Pendragon Cycle, Rise of the Merlin, is out today on DailyWire+ So, if you want to see the trailer for that episode, it'll be at the end of today's video.

All right, now, diving into today's story, which I'm so excited about. Almost immediately, when Reformation launched this whole capsule collection, which we will get to, we're going to be talking about, I immediately thought of a New York Times article that went viral this fall. And I remember seeing this back at the end of September, and I was still on maternity leave, so I didn't do an episode about it. So, this is like so full circle, so I'm very excited to finally be able to talk about it, because it was so asinine and so insane.

The opening paragraph alone was enough to kill a Victorian child. That is what I'm trying to say here. The article is titled, "What Does Gen Z Divorce Look Like?" And then they say, "For one thing, speed is of the essence." All right, so this is the opening paragraph. So, in 2021, Kira Benson, a violinist living in Seattle, that that's the first sign that something is amiss, knew that it was time to get a divorce. Ending their 2-year lavender marriage wasn't an easy decision, but the musician had a supportive ally.

Quote, "If you have to dump your ex-husband, Mix" Benson said, "co-dump him with his mistress." Mix, Mix, not Miss. Mix Benson, co-dump him with his mistress. And then they go on and write, "Before the breakup, Mix Benson, 27, who uses the pronoun they, what do you know, Seattle, checked in with their therapist, who said that a divorce would be a quote good choice out of queer solidarity. They informed their husband's mistress.

This was kosher in Mix Benson's arrangement, which was not an illegal marriage but a domestic partnership, about their shared partner's troubling behavior. The night of their breakup, Mix Benson and the mistress spent a cozy evening together. We were eating a lot of comfort food, playing a lot of Animal Crossing. Guys, these are adults we're talking about. ADULTS WHO WALK AMONGST US, WHO HAVE NORMAL JOBS. I MEAN, maybe not, maybe they're living off of welfare, I don't know, but this is divorce and marriage that we're talking about, even though in this case it was not actually marriage but they are saying that it is.

They are living as though it is, but also not because clearly this arrangement was not in the definition of marriage. Anyway, moving on. People were posting that specific excerpt of the article back in the fall. The comments were hysterical. Somebody posted this meme and said, "No offense, but that sounds like some [ __ ] commie gobbledygook." Another person said, "Today's edition of is it satire or is it just 2025?"

Exactly. But here's the thing, guys, even though the intro to that article was certifiably insane and did, you know, light people up on Twitter, the article itself actually did provide some really interesting insight into how my generation thinks about divorce and therefore marriage. And I just said interesting insight, but what I mean by that is just devastating insight. Absolute black pill insight. For example, one influencer who has been extremely public about her divorce on TikTok and on social media, she offered a comment to the New York Times and they wrote this, quote, "This is the generation, my generation, they can walk away quite easily.

A function, Miss Jan speculates, of young people's general sense of having endless options. How realistic those options are is another question." Quote, "I feel like with social media at our fingertips, we are just so much more aware of all of the lives that we could be living. We're scrolling through our feed, we're seeing this girl who lives on a sailboat in Maine and then this girl is in a high-rise in New York. You can just see firsthand what all of these different lives look like and that makes it easier to visualize a change or shift."

And this is just so crazy to me because I obviously I understand what she's saying and that is true, but it's crazy to me because, like most of you guys, I'm sure, I grew up hearing about social media and hearing about how social media was so detrimental primarily because of how you would compare yourself to others. Like growing up when I would say like I want Instagram, I want Facebook, I want Snapchat, whatever it is, my mom and I would always have these conversations of this will derail your confidence.

And my mom would say like I want you to focus on you and not be focusing on what other girls are doing or you know, the people that they're dating or how they look, whatever it is because it is just absolutely derailing to a young person's sense of self and confidence. That is what I grew up hearing. And this right here that I just read, that seems like the worst result of that. Like the most extreme, literally ending a marriage over comparing yourself to somebody else's highlight reel.

Not even their real life, but their highlight reel. And they're writing about this as if it's something to aspire to or to be proud of. Like how cool for Gen Z that they get to compare themselves to other That that's not cool. That is not healthy in the slightest. But that is what this person is arguing. Now, what is also interesting and possibly not surprising at all to you guys is that in our society that is so fixated on diagnosing ourselves every single day with a different mental illness is that more people are getting divorced over mental health than ever before.

Here's what a divorce attorney had to say to the New York Times, quote, "I definitely have seen people divorcing for reasons that are more mental health focused." Adding that pop psychology terms of art have a way of creeping in. Quote, "I hear gaslighting a lot. I also hear narcissist to describe behaviors that are probably just garden variety selfish." We have completely stripped the label of narcissist, which actually is a personality disorder, of all of its meaning.

Which also we've done that with a myriad of other words, any kind of significant word that used to hold weight in our society. Now it just means nothing because it's been thrown around, over exaggerated, and that is exactly what is happening here. So yeah, that is the least shocking thing I have read all year. But we're not done because not only do we need to discuss why my generation is getting a divorce, we also need to discuss how they feel about it and what the aftermath is.

Because rather than taking accountability for their part in a failed marriage, a failed partnership, that's what this is, it's easier to glamorize getting a divorce. And that, my friends, is not new. That did not hit the airwaves for the first time back in September with the New York Times. In fact, the New York Times is really just echoing and reporting on something that had already taken off on social media and in our culture.

This idea of divorce being normal, colloquial, or even chic. Now, a couple of years ago, actress Emily Ratajkowski, who goes by Emrata online, she went viral for announcing that being a divorcée before 30 was chic. Just watch. This really, in my opinion, is what started it all. >> So, it seems that a lot of ladies are getting divorced before they turn 30. And as someone who got married at 26, has been separated for a little over a year, 32, I have to tell you, I don't think there's anything better.

If being in your 20s is the trenches, there is nothing better than being in your 30s, still being hot, maybe having a little bit of your own money, figuring out what you want to do with your life, everything, and having tried that married fantasy and realizing that it's maybe not all it's cracked up to be. And then you've got your whole life still ahead of you. Um so, for all of those people who are stressed or feeling stressed about that, about being divorced, like it's it's it's good.

Congratulations. Congratulations. >> And then to top it all off, her caption is, "Personally, I find it chic to be divorced by the age of 30." And there is so much in this video that I take issue with. Number one, the idea that your 20s have to be your trenches. And then that a marriage is entrenched in that. Like, I personally find that if you marry a good person who you love and who you respect, who is your best friend, then actually that elevates your 20s.

As somebody who got married in her 20s, because it just makes it all the more fun. And she's saying, you know, you tried it out the marriage fantasy. I think maybe you just married the wrong person. Now, I'm not going to spend more time dissecting her video, because you might remember I talked about that Tik Tok and this trend right when it came out a couple of years ago on comment section, especially how at the time she had commercialized her divorce through branding things and products and press.

But from there, and from that Tik Tok, this has only grown and this idea is now all over social media. Take this video from 2024. Just watch. I don't know what young lady needs to hear this, but there is nothing more chic than being divorced before 30. You don't have to stay with that man. You'll look cooler if you leave. And don't get me started on how slay it is to break up an engagement. Like, yeah, logistically it's a nightmare, but for the lore?

For the lore, it's incredible. >> So, it's all about looking cool. It's all about how you are perceived, which honestly says a lot about our society that somebody who is breaking up an engagement or getting a divorce is seen as elevated, as chic, that that is something to applaud. And it certainly is being applauded because all of the comments were women clapping like seals. One of them said, "Do it for the freedom and the plot."

Another person said, "Please, divorce is the new flex." And then another girl said, "And also, how slay is it to be drinking a martini in a jazz bar while wearing a velvet dress and then saying, 'My first husband.'" Like, who is this, diva? Okay, like that's that IS A FANTASY. YOU'RE LIKE MAKING FUN OF THE fantasy of marriage. You are living your life based on the fantasy of divorce that maybe you've seen in a movie somewhere, some like hot divorcée.

Like, let's be real. You're not going to be at a jazz bar with a martini. You're going to be in your apartment playing Animal Crossing. Like, that is what my generation is doing. So, this entire idea is based on a fantasy. Like, it's hot, it's cool. You're doing it for the plot. Which by the way, reminds me of something that a different divorce attorney talked about in that same New York Times article. She said, "Gen Z are so much more transparent.

They live in the world of social media and everything is about storytelling." And so, I think that individuals are more willing to be open and honest about their lives than prior generations were. Everything is about storytelling. And I think that that is the main point here, not that they're open and honest. Gen Z is trying to be the main character. Like, that's a whole thing online. Like, I'm the main character in my own story.

This is such main character energy. I want to have cool lore and a cool plot and cool story so people I mean, everybody wants a cool story. And here's the thing, you are the main character in your own life. Like, that's how being a human being works. But should that really drive you to make bad decisions to glamorize something that objectively is sad and heartbreaking? Like divorce now is just some cool story that you're adding to your tool belt.

And also I'm thinking about how, you know, in the world of female hierarchy, I'm sure that they subliminally see this as a win when they can glamorize heartbreak and failure as empowerment while simultaneously talking down to women who are in relationships or who are married. Like remember the Vogue article that we talked about having a boyfriend being embarrassing, the whole language about, you know, the marriage fantasy, it's derogatory.

It's terrible. I can't believe you're attaching yourself to a man. Like all of that is tied together. This is how they are putting other women down in order to make themselves feel better about their current situation. It is projection. Anyway, moving on from that, here is another TikTok just to drive the point home, but this one is far more recent. It is literally just from a couple weeks ago. Watch this. I don't know if anybody else can relate to this, but I love being divorced.

Divorced people lead the best lives. We are out here doing whatever we want and getting to just casually drop my ex-husband in a conversation is so chic. Being sad about being divorced, I can't relate. >> Can't relate. Now, you know what I find very cool and very chic? Marrying a good person and doing all of those things in life together. And having fun and still doing what you want to do, but you're doing them with somebody who you love, who is your best friend, who is supporting you.

No, you do not have to be divorced to be leading the best life, to be able to do the things that you want to do and accomplish all the things that you want to accomplish. You do not have to be divorced. Anyway, again, the comments echoed the sentiment applauding like seal of approval. One woman said, "Yes, I am so proud of being divorced. My marriage was so cringe." That's how you're describing Okay, anyway, somebody else commented and said, "I am honestly loving it now."

Plus saying "ex-husband" is a flex. Again, it's just like the cool factor. Another girl said, "The way I aspire to be divorced. It feels right. I've never been married, but I want to be divorced." Okay, so now that's what we're aspiring to. We've moved on from the marriage fantasy, but we're now we are dealing with the divorce fantasy. Like to continue this story and continue painting the picture for you, a 2024 article in the Free Press also touched on this phenomenon and the author Cat Rosenfield she directly related this to what she has seen in her friends.

So again, this is real life. It's not just social media. She has experienced this. She wrote, "It all started when one woman, this is somebody that she knew, blew up her marriage with one of those affairs that was so indiscreet that getting found out seemed like not just a risk but the entire point and then landed on her feet with a generous alimony and a new boyfriend who was a 24-year-old fitness influencer. A few others, perhaps hoping to replicate her results, followed suit."

Which is just so disgusting. Now, she went on and she wrote, "My friends didn't talk about being unhappily married, they just thought they would be happier divorced. And no wonder. Even as divorce has retreated from the off-sided peak rate of 50%, its place in the culture has all of the urgency and incandescence of a current thing. This year we have already had a glut of divorce memoirs from authors, celebrity and non, a much-hyped divorce album from Ariana Grande, a buzzy novel debut called The Divorcées which is set on a 50s divorce ranch in Reno.

This is where the women in their velvet dresses and the long cigarette and the martinis, that is what they are envisioning when they want to be divorcées. The piece in The Cut on Valentine's Day no less entitled The Lure of Divorce and a New York Times feature about how Emily Ratajkowski has set off a booming new market for divorce rings refashioned from the wearer's old wedding band. One of them is engraved with the word badass, a detail I would have found absolutely impossible to believe had it not been accompanied by photographic evidence.

So, from social media to our celebrities to Hollywood to the novels to memoirs, everything, it has infiltrated every aspect of our society. Again, that was written in 2024. So now jump two years ahead, we have now landed here with me doing this episode in February of 2026 because the well-loved women's clothing brand Reformation, I buy so much stuff from them, they just launched 48 hours ago their divorce collection which is a collaboration with a famous divorce attorney named Laura Wasser.

She is the one linked to Kim Kardashian's divorce, she did Ariana Grande's divorce, all of that. She is well-known, the Hollywood divorce attorney. And this is the text that they sent out to all of us who are on their text and email list. Here's a photo of Laura and they said, "Reformation, the divorce collection is here for feeling sexy and empowered starring acclaimed attorney Laura Wasser." And the hallmark piece of this entire collection was a dump him sweatshirt that sold out in mere hours.

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Now, back to the Dump Him sweatshirt. The Reformation website reads "With a collection made for women who don't settle in court or when it comes to clothes, featuring sexy, empowering things in a limited-edition Dump Him sweatshirt, in case your friends keep asking you for relationship advice." My favorite comment that I read throughout this entire fiasco was this one, and this girl said, "I feel so sexy and empowered in my gray crew neck."

And my friend Ali replied and said, "A wardrobe piece with such obvious allure." Yeah, exactly. Nothing says sex appeal like a crew neck sweatshirt. Okay, now my friend Ali Boss, who I think has just the most amazing X account, she has great posts. She said, "You can't make this up. Reformation just dropped a whole clothing collection around divorce. It's a collab with a divorce lawyer encouraging women to dump him.

Why is modern culture so obsessed with hating love and marriage?" Somebody replied and said, "Reducing divorce down to just dump him is insane. People do not know what it means to be in a covenant with somebody." And I think that is what stood out to me the most is that this like idea of Dump Him like in pop culture vernacular, I would say, it's been a thing since Britney Spears wore a T-shirt saying Dump Him back in 2002.

It was It was like a white T-shirt. That's been around for a while, but I think this is the first time that they've connected it to divorce. Like, they are minimizing divorce to just breaking up with somebody. Just dump dump him. It's so easy. It's so chill. It's so casual. Like, that is why this was so abrasive to me, because divorce is anything but casual. Obviously, my generation doesn't feel that way, but in actuality, it is.

It's incredibly serious. It's incredibly difficult. It is severe. It is the breaking of a commitment, the breaking of a covenant. Anyway, going on, somebody else commented and said, "The worst girl you know is buying this to wear in her six-part TikTok series about failed hinge dates." Yeah, it's storytelling. It's storytelling again. It always goes back to that. It goes back to the main character energy. Amidst all of this, there was some pushback and some people attempting to defend Reformation.

Like this commenter said, "They did a very poor job marketing this, but the divorce collab is a fundraiser for legal services for women seeking divorce in domestic violence situations." And not that this changes the marketing strategy and how gross I think it is, but I read that comment and I thought, "Okay, well, at least some good comes of this. That is at least a positive thing. I am in support of that." But then, when people looked into it, including Ali, that was not said anywhere.

On their website, they wrote, "100% of the net proceeds of the sweatshirt will go to the Harriet Buhai Center for Family Law to support their work in helping people dump him safely, responsibly, and at no cost." And then, people were looking into the Family Law Center, and this Center for Family Law does work with low-income families, but there is nothing specific about domestic violence. Like this is not a domestic violence organization.

And I'm sorry, but in my most cynical, black-pilled way, like I really see this as Reformation's scapegoat for when people inevitably were to get upset about this collection, so that they could respond and say, "You can't be mad. We're helping people." Like I'm sorry, that is just how I see it. Now, to be fair to Reformation, they were not the only brand to do this. They were not the first brand to do something like this.

Yesterday, after this collection debuted, the Business of Fashion released an article titled "How 'Dump Him' Became a Marketing Strategy." And they wrote that, "As Valentine's Day came and went, a number of brands joined in on the celebration of autonomy, including countless cosmetics brands that moved away from the old seasonal tropes, such as Verbena, which has a divorce party lipstick. Well, ColourPop released eyeshadows with names like Too Good for You and Not Your Baby."

Now, additionally, two weeks ago, Target was also going viral for having a very similar "Dump Him" sweater poised and ready for Valentine's Day. One woman posted about this on X and said, "I saw this on a promoted at Target today. Could you imagine if in the month leading up to Valentine's Day, Target was spotlighting a 'Dump Her' sweater in the men's section? People would lose it. I am so tired of this garbage." Now, the other thing that I want to say here, and the guys out there might not care about this at all, but as a woman, I do care.

It's like, okay, this is all like this is so cringey that Reformation is doing something that Target is doing. Like the whole thing is just cheap. It does not feel thought out in the slightest, and I'm sorry, but I hate it. And I hate that I hate it because I love Reformation. Anyway, moving on. Thanks to all of this, everything that we've talked about today, there has been a long-running conversation online specifically about how this idea, this pervasive idea about a normalized divorce, of glamorizing divorce, how it took hold in our culture.

People will very quickly point to modern feminism. to our selfish and hedonistic culture, rightfully so, I agree. But I do think that there might be an even more obvious and simple reason. And it actually was clearly stated in that first New York Times article, which they released back in September. Listen to this. We're going back to this thruple here. They write, "According to Mix Wallace, many members of Gen Z, even the newly married, see marriage as a commitment that is neither final nor exclusive.

The rise of non-traditional relationship models reshaped expectations of married life, and when non-monogamous options are on the table, some of marriage's stricter requirements are defanged." Okay, so then it's not really marriage. You're not actually married. Like the point is that I'm trying to make here is that we are all working from completely different premises. To us, and hopefully most of the population, because I believe that it is the healthiest point of view, we believe that marriage is a religious construct, a religious idea.

It is a covenant, you know, till death do us part. The commitment is the whole game. Therefore, God forbid, if it does fall apart, it should be devastating. It should be heartbreaking. But clearly, a growing number of people do not see it that way. And I guess we shouldn't be surprised that people are excited to be divorced if they never cared about the commitment to begin with. Like to them, marriage is some kind of temporary secular label, not a covenant or even a secular commitment.

Like the word commitment does not even exist there. It's like something they're kind of like sprinkling on top, but they're not actually living out. And so, because of this, I do want to say, like I obviously see this as being completely different from somebody leaving an abusive relationship. I also think this is totally different from, say, the situation that my parents were in, cuz my parents are divorced, where they tried for 20 years.

They were married for 20 years. Like them divorcing, you guys know this, like them divorcing was honestly a relief for everyone. They were both glad that that process was over. Like we literally celebrated the fact that the legal process was over because it was just so awful for both of them. But neither of my parents would celebrate ending a marriage in and of itself. Like they don't believe that that is a good thing, if that makes sense.

Like that part of it was heartbreaking, even if they believed that the situation was for the best. But these people, literally based on what they are saying, they aren't excited to be divorced just because the marriage was painful or bad or they couldn't make it work after 20 years. They think that the dissolution of the marriage and the act itself of getting a divorce is what is chic. And additionally, and this might be the most honest sentiment of all, I think that many of these individuals choose to promote this idea to simply mask the very natural, normal heartbroken feelings that they do have.

And rather than being publicly honest in their TikTok story times about the pain or their feelings of failure and heartbreak, they have just turned it into yet another vapid rallying cry for women that has now been commercialized by brands. is a gross rallying cry that will only continue to hurt women our relationship with men and marriage itself. So, miss me with that, not interested, shame on you reformation. I am Castinian, king of Gothay and Calithan.

You've met my daughter, Ganieda. >> [screaming] >> Ganieda. I find myself endlessly curious about you, Merlin. And yet you don't reveal your secrets. I would ask you to winter here with us. You forget that I knew your father. You have his presence. I'll stay. I sense danger in this place. >> [screaming] >> Any other? The Pendragon Cycle, Rise of the Merlin, now streaming only on DailyWire+